The Narrow Path Copyright © 2019 Nicole Donoho This 5-Day blog series story is a work of fiction. Names, descriptions, entities, and incidents included in this story are products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, events, and entities is entirely coincidental.
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                Xander shrugged. “I don’t know, because he was Jesus. He was perfect.”
 
                “That’s why I’m so conflicted!”
 
                “Because he was perfect?” Xander raised his eyebrow stared at me blankly.
 
                “No, I’m conflicted because when I go to church and they talk about Jesus, he’s this perfect guy. But when I read this book he’s not.”
 
                “But Jesus was perfect. Wasn’t he?” Xander looked at me, “Isn’t that what the Bible says?”
 
                “No.” I smiled, “It’s not.”
 
                Xander scratched his head. “Are you sure?”
 
“Yes! That’s why I’ve been feeling so crazy the past few weeks. Reading what this lady wrote is shaking up everything I’ve been taught but at the same time awakening something else.”
 
“But I’ve heard a lot of people say that.”
 
                “I know, that’s why I’m so conflicted. There is a verse that Jesus says something about us needing to *be perfect like God but he doesn’t say be perfect like me. The Bible never says that Jesus is perfect, it says that he was without sin**.
 
                “What’s the difference?”
 
                I smiled. “That’s what I asked. So, I looked up the definition of the word ‘sin’ and it said that sin was an immoral act against a divine law.”
 
                “Meaning?”
 
                “Meaning that Jesus never broke God’s law.”
 
                Xander took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “How’s that different from being perfect?”
 
                “I don’t know, but I know it is different somehow. That’s why I’m so conflicted.” I shook my head and stared out the window.
 
                “Well, if you don’t think Jesus was perfect, what was he?”
 
                “He was a man.”
 
                “Right, but he was also God, wasn’t he?”
 
                I sighed. I could hear the confusion in Xander’s voice. It was the same confusion I experienced when I started reading the book. It was a lot to take in. I had read and reread portions, then referenced the book against the Bible, and was still digesting everything I had learned. Maybe Xander wasn’t ready to talk through it. Maybe I wasn’t ready to talk it through.
 
                “Sorry,” I sighed heavily, “you should probably take me home.”
 
“Lexi, don’t shut down. I want to listen but I don’t understand what you’re saying.” Xander released a heavy sigh. “I mean, I’ve grown up in church like you. That’s what we hear in church, Jesus was fully God and fully man. But now, you’re saying he was just a man. I don’t understand where this is coming from. If that’s what the book is saying then—"
 
                “I didn’t say he was just a man.” I objected, “I said he was a man. If you have a friend that doesn’t speed, never runs a red light, and always follows the laws, what would you call him, perfect?”
 
                “Well, I’d call him Evan cause that’s who you just described.” Xander laughed.
 
                Evan and Xander met in middle school and became best friends. Evan’s father was a retired military policeman with a firm belief in law and order. A belief that seemed to be embedded into the character of his son. If there was a bonfire at somebody’s personal property, out of city limits, Evan was there with a case of lighter fluid to ‘make it interesting’. But if you wanted to make a homemade torch and explore a cave at a state park, he’d start citing the laws you’d violate and penalties that accompanied them.   
 
Evan was a great example for my analogy. “Is Evan perfect?”
 
                Xander laughed harder. “Hell no.”
 
                “Then what is he?”
 
                Xander shrugged. “I don’t know. Just a guy that follows the rules.”
 
                “See there’s more to this but I haven’t yet wrapped my mind around it.”
 
                “Well…I’m not really sure what to say.” Xander leaned back in the seat and stared out the front window.
 
                I sighed and stared out the window. I thought back to earlier in the evening when I had jumped from the pickup and ran down the road like a crazy person. What in the world was I running from? It certainly wasn’t Xander. Xander had never forced me to do anything I didn’t want to do. He never so much as talked me into doing something I didn’t want to do. I was the one who initiated our first kiss and the first one to ‘make a move’. Anytime that he attempted to initiate anything I’d feel the nervousness quiver through his body.
 
                Not against flesh and blood but against spiritual forces.*** The scripture crossed my mind again but what was I missing?
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NOTE TO READER: Throughout the story, Lexi’s thoughts contain some references, not quotes, found in scripture. In no way is this meant to be a study or reference of what these scriptures truly mean. Please take the time to look up the scriptures and read them for yourself.
*Matthew 5:48, **Hebrews 4:15, ***Ephesians 6:12

The Narrow Path Copyright © 2019 Nicole Donoho This 5-Day blog series story is a work of fiction. Names, descriptions, entities, and incidents included in this story are products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, events, and entities is entirely coincidental.
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“Jesus.” I whispered again.
 
“What’d you say?” Xander asked.
 
“Jesus, I said Jesus!” I stated boldly.
 
*The truth will set you free. I wiped away some tears as I pondered this thought. It didn’t weigh on me like the other thoughts had. Instead, it felt more like a spotlight shining into the dark caverns of a cave. There was a way out of all this madness, there was hope.
 
“I’m freaking out about being a freak.” The boldness left with the words and I began sobbing.
 
I furiously wiped at the tears. God, if you want to set me free from something, how about my crazy emotions? Let’s start there, cause I’m sick of the floodgates opening every time the conversation gets challenging.
 
Xander pulled into the parking lot of the farm supply store. “Lexi?” He slid across the seat and put his arms around me. “You’re not a freak.”
 
“Really?” I asked sarcastically as I rolled my eyes and slowly pushed out of his arms.
 
He stared at me. It was the same look he had many times in the past. It didn’t matter if I was in terrible pain, intellectual conflict, or internal dilemma. He was a simple guy with a simple face that covered them all. Love. Looking into his eyes in moments like this was like a mother kissing a child’s scraped knee. While logically there’s no reason it should make it feel better, the love and hope expressed helped to shake off the pain and move on.
 
“I didn’t mean anything bad when I said you were acting different.”
 
I’m jumping from the pickup, running down dirt roads, and he feels the need to apologize? I laughed at the thought and chocked a little.
 
“Seriously.” Xander set his arm on the seat behind me. “I don’t want you to—"   
               
“I am acting different and that’s why I feel like a freak!” I objected before he could continue any further with his unnecessary apology. “You’re right, this book is making me different. It’s frustrating me, and it’s challenging me, and—and I don’t even know what to think anymore.”
 
“Then why not stop reading it?”
 
“Because there’s something inside of me that wants to be challenged.”
 
“Ooookay.” His drawn-out reply clued me in that he wasn’t quite sure what to say.
 
“I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like—” I tried thinking of some analogy that could possibly compare to everything I was feeling. “It’s like that one movie we watched the other day. The one where the girl was living on that farm and working like it was the 1800’s or something. Then she got curious and went into that cave in the side of the cliff. And when she left the other side of the cave it was like she had stepped into the future but she hadn’t. It’s like that.”
 
“So…you feel like you’re a part of an anti-technology cult and you’re learning that there’s actually technology in the world?” Xander smiled.
 
I rolled my eyes. “I’m glad you can find humor in this.”
 
“Come on, Lexi, don’t be upset. I’m trying to understand.”
 
“I’m not upset. I mean, I am upset, but I’m not upset at you.” I sighed. “I’m upset with all this stuff that’s inside my head that’s been labeled ‘truth’ but has no solid backing. Like tonight, for instance. What do you think Jesus would have done tonight? How would he have handled it?”
 
“Well he didn’t have movie theaters back then so—”
 
I laughed and pushed him away. “Now, you’re making me angry.”
 
“If being angry at me makes you smile then I’ll take it.” Xander sighed. “I don’t know what he would have done. Obviously not have sex at the lake. That’s probably the answer you’re looking for.”
 
“Why?”
 
“I don’t know.” Xander threw his hands up and plopped them in his lap. “Because he was Jesus.”
 
“Why would that matter?”
 
He stared at me blankly and raised his eyebrow. “I don’t know, Lexi.”
 
He’s checking out. He’s done with the conversation and he’s done with you. The thought caught me off guard.
 
Xander had never been one for deep conversations or confrontation. He’d often turn to humor or change the subject in those situations. But ‘done with me’ that was true. Why was I even thinking it?
 
**Your battle is not with physical people but spiritual forces.
 
I recognized the reference from Ephesians. I’d heard it many times over the years but never put much thought into how that might work. God, thank you for bringing that to my memory. Help me to focus on truth. I’m not sure I understand entirely what that means but I feel like you’re reminding me that I shouldn’t get frustrated with Xander.  
 
“Xander, do you think I’m a crazy person or do you love me?”
               
“I think you’re crazy and that’s why I love you.” He smiled.
               
God, I’m going to need help. I prayed as my blood began to boil. I know he’s trying to be cute and keep the moment light. Help me not get angry at him.
               
“If you really do love me, and I believe that you do, could you please be serious for just a moment?” I asked calmly. “I need to talk through this.”
               
“Okay.”
 
“I left the truck because over and over all I could think about was that having sex outside of marriage is wrong. That’s what’s been drilled into my head over and over and over.”
 
 “Then what’s the point of making it feeling so good.” Xander sighed.
 
 “Exactly.”
 
 “Exactly what?”
 
“If sex feels good then why’s it wrong. Why did you say that Jesus wouldn’t have sex at the lake?”
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NOTE TO THE READER: Throughout the story, Lexi’s thoughts contain some references, not quotes, found in scripture. In no way is this meant to be a study or reference of what these scriptures truly mean. Please take the time to look up the scriptures and read them for yourself.
*John 8:32, **Ephesians 6:12

​The Narrow Path Copyright © 2019 Nicole Donoho This 5-Day blog series story is a work of fiction. Names, descriptions, entities, and incidents included in this story are products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, events, and entities is entirely coincidental.
                                                             +             +             +             +
The pickup sped past me and parked to the side of the road. Xander jumped out and ran back to me. I dodged past him and continued to run. Running was the only thing that made sense. No, that wasn’t true. Running was the only thing that required little thought. If I could keep my legs moving, I wouldn’t be required to stop or think. My shins screamed their objections but I continued to run.
 
Xander’s hand grabbed hold of my right arm and jerked me to a stop. He grabbed his chest with one hand and set his other hand a little above his knee. Huge puffs of steam filled the air with each pant from his mouth. He opened his mouth to say something and began coughing instead.
 
“Lexi,” Xander panted and coughed. He stood up and held his chest, “what the hell?”
 
He bent back over with both hands above his knees and gasped for air. I glanced back at the pickup. There had to be at least a football field between us and the pickup. I set my hand on Xander’s back.
 
“I’m sorry. I just couldn’t.”
 
He stood up and shook his head. “Don’t you think it would have been easier to say that then run a marathon?”
 
I pressed my hands against either side of my head. “I know, I know. I…I…don’t know.”
 
I closed my eyes to hold back the tears that were rolling to the surface. As Xander put his arms around me the tears began to escape. I set my forehead against his chest. He pulled me closer and rested his head on top of mine.
 
“Can we go back to the truck?”
 
I nodded. He kept his hand around my shoulders as we walked down the road.
               
“I’m sorry.” I blurted out. I wasn’t sure if it was entirely true but, at the very least, I felt compelled to apologize for my abnormal exit.
               
“For what?”
               
“For…for jumping out of the truck and running away.”
               
“Lexi, you were the one that suggested coming to the lake. If you wanted to go home, I would have taken you home.”
               
“I wanted to come to the lake. That’s my problem.”
               
“Why’s that a problem?”
               
“I don’t know.” I rubbed my hands across my face. “I just…I can’t do this.”
               
“Can’t do what?” Xander stopped.
               
“Not this.” I pointed to us. “I meant this.” I pointed to the truck. “Late-nights at the lake with nobody around. I mean, how can we walk into a Bible study one night and then have sex at the lake the next? That’s so…hypocritical.”
               
Xander shrugged. “I don’t know what to tell you, Lex. It’s not like it’s something new. We’ve been doing this for a while.”
               
I squeezed my head between my hands. “I know, but that doesn’t make it right.”
               
He opened the passenger door. I climbed into the pickup and buckled my seatbelt. It wasn’t something new. We’d been dating since the end of our junior year of high school. By that time, I had already foolishly given away my virginity to my ex-boyfriend at the beginning of the school year. Xander, on the other hand, was still a virgin when we decided to ‘go for a drive’ shortly after senior graduation.
               
In the three years since that night, we’d had many ‘drives’, as well as late nights at my apartment when my roommates weren’t home.
               
God, why didn’t I recognize it then? I asked as I thought about the many times in our relationship that I initiated making out or taking it further. Am I silly to think that things can be any different?
               
Xander turned the key. The pickup clicked. “Come on, baby.” He turned it again and it started up. He patted the dash and buckled his seatbelt.
               
I stared out the window and thought about the night. We were laughing and having a great time at dinner. The movie was packed full of action and adventure, something we both loved to watch. Then this. Why did I have to suggest it? It was like realizing you were about to come in first place at a marathon and instead losing because that ice cream truck, near the finish line, was calling your name. My stomach turned with regret.
               
“Lexi,” Xander broke the silence after turning onto the main road. “ever since you started reading that book from that lady you’ve been…different.”
               
Different? The tone in his voice irritated me worse than a piece of Velcro catching the side of your face. “Different how?”
               
“I don’t know, just different. You seem…I don’t know.”
               
His lack of explanation only added to the irritation. God, why am I so irritated? He hasn’t changed. He hasn’t done anything different. I’m the one who is acting different. What’s wrong with me?
 
“I’m worried about you, Lexi.” Xander interrupted my thoughts. “The past couple of weeks have felt like something is coming between us.”
               
“I’m not trying to make you feel that way.”
               
My mind was immediately bombarded with all the reasons why Xander would leave me if I continued down this road. All the reasons why God didn’t want us together. All the reasons why loving God and loving Xander wouldn’t work. Over and over, I was beat down as I remembered words I had heard in church.
               
*You shouldn’t have sex before marriage. God despises the ways of the wicked. Your sins have hidden his face from you. A man reaps what he sows.
 
You made this choice and there will be consequences for it. Why would God want you to stay with him after what the two of you have done? Nothing you do can make this right.***
               
Similar to when a dam breaks after the pressure becomes too much, tears flooded from my eyes as if to say my mind could handle no more. With the release of the tears, the weight of the thoughts seemed to pour onto my chest making it harder and harder to breathe. It crushed down on me, the weight was overwhelming, and more than I could handle.
               
God, I’m about to break and I don’t know what to do.
               
Right as I finished my thought, I remembered a scripture that had been listed in the book. **Anyone who calls on His name will be saved.
               
“Jesus.” I barely recognized the whisper as it left my mouth. It sounded more like the last breath of a dying man on a movie than a cry for help but it was all I had strength to say.
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NOTE TO THE READER: Throughout the story, Lexi’s thoughts contain some references, not quotes, found in scripture. In no way is this meant to be a study or reference of what these scriptures truly mean. Please take the time to look up the scriptures and read them for yourself.
*Hebrews 13:4, Proverbs 15:9, Isaiah 59:2, Galatians 6:7, **Romans 10:13, ***Romans 3:20-22

​The Narrow Path Copyright © 2019 Nicole Donoho This 5-Day blog series story is a work of fiction. Names, descriptions, entities, and incidents included in this story are products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, events, and entities is entirely coincidental.
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My heart raced as I felt Xander’s hand slide up the back of my shirt. While my mind kept telling me to pull away from his lips, it was overruled by my body’s burning desire to close the gap between our bodies. If only I could rewind the evening to the movie theater. I should have gone home at that time instead of suggesting to go for a drive. That was my crossroad, my opportunity, and I blew it. Or did I? There was still time to walk away if I could just…what was it I should do? His hand slid further up my back.
 
God, I’m not strong enough to walk away. I thought. I’m not even sure if I want to walk away. I could…I need some help.
 
It was now or never. Before I could think about what I was doing, I pushed away from Xander and rushed down the bed of the pickup. “I can’t do this.”
 
“Lexi?”
 
I quickly grabbed my jacket off the side of the truck and jumped down from the tailgate. “I’ve got to go.”
 
“Lexi, wait!” Xander yelled.
 
I rushed past the pickup, through the clearing, and onto the dirt road. The thick woods on either side of the road and canopy of tangled branches above blocked out the light of the moon. The further I walked, the darker it became until finally I felt the darkness weigh on me. It was like that feeling when you’re jolted from sleep with no memories of a nightmare but your body feels paralyzed with fear.
 
God, you’re with me. Help me be brave. I prayed as I continued down the shadowy path.
 
I moved to the edge of the road being careful not to slide into the ditch. The ditch on either side was only a couple feet down but the loose gravel and large rocks along the way would be sure to twist an ankle. Xander’s pickup engine roared to life behind me and tires squealed across gravel. Dingy yellow beams of light from behind cast shadows all around me. With the additional light I was able to pick up my pace.
 
“Lexi?” Xander called through the window as he pulled up next to me.
 
“I can’t, Xander.” I shook my head and continued walking.
 
Part of me wanted him to drive away and give me some time to get my crazy body under control. The other part of me wanted to jump in the pickup and rip his shirt off. I kept my eyes focused on the edge of the ditch.
 
“Lexi? Lexi, would you at least look at me?” Xander begged as he continued inching down the road. “What are you going to do, run home?”
 
Of all the things weighing on my mind, home was the least of my concerns.
 
God, I’m sure I look like a crazy person. Walking down the road in the middle of the night. In the middle of nowhere. Even more so when I had started by jumping from the back of the pickup. Is that what you want for me? Is that what it means to follow you? To look crazy?
 
I stared at the side of the road and continued to walk, jog, run. As long as my feet kept moving, I was making progress. I wasn’t sure if I wanted an audible response or some small reassurance that I wasn’t losing my mind. I’d even settle for a visit from one of those “Fear not” angels that always appeared in those Bible stories I had heard growing up. Nothing came. 

"Don’t look for shortcuts to God. The market is flooded with surefire, easygoing formulas for a successful life that can be practiced in your spare time. Don’t fall for that stuff, even though crowds of people do. The way to life—to God!—is vigorous and requires total attention." Matthew 7:13-14 MSG
Lexi's gone to church her entire life. She knows how to 'act' and 'talk' like a Christian. But, follow in the footsteps of Christ? That brings a whole new challenge to her life.
This 5-Day blog series follows her through a night of questions as she struggles with what she's learned in church and what Jesus actually said.
The story begins Monday, February 25.
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At the beginning of this year, I decided to challenge myself. Write one blog series per month to ensure that I am writing and continuing to develop my writing skills. I enjoyed writing last month's series "I Went to the Enemy's Camp" but had no idea what I'd write about for February (obviously, since I waited until the end of the month to post a series). 

I hope you enjoy this month's story. I'm not always big at sequels but this will continue into March with a Part 2. Watch for the release date!

I find myself saying this a lot, "I don't know". There are a lot of things that I don't know. In the past, I was never willing to admit this. I was stubborn and ready to defend my belief (even if I didn't know why I believed it). That's stupid and immature. 
It's also irresponsible.

If I don't know and I act like I do, I could be leading people down an endless pit to darkness. Wow! In all my stubborn pride, I never took the time to consider who could be misled by what I said.

"Those who are careful about what they say keep themselves out of trouble." Proverbs 21:23 NCV

" What you say can mean life or death. Those who speak with care will be rewarded." Proverbs 18:21 NCV

"My dear brothers and sisters, always be willing to listen and slow to speak. Do not become angry easily," James 1:19 NCV

God, what comes out of my mouth is important. Place a guard at my mouth. Give me wisdom to speak truth and stop myself from speaking lies or leading others into trouble. Help me be slow to speak. Amen

At the beginning of January, I joined a writer’s workshop. I thought it would be a great opportunity to mature my writing. Once a week, we get together and review chapters that people have written over the past week. One of the things that has challenged me more than anything is word count. How many words am I producing each week?
This is both frustrating and exciting. There are days that I type somewhere around 2500 words. Then there are days that I stare blankly at the screen, uninspired. Sometimes I am uninspired because I have so many others things to think about or take care of in that day. Sometimes I am uninspired because I’m just tired and wore out.
Being a writer is a lot like being a Christian. There are days that I just don’t see the point. What does it matter if I serve you, God, or go off and do my own thing? It’s not like something amazing happens every time I choose to obey you and something tragic happens when I don’t listen to you. In fact, sometimes I listen to your instruction and something bad happens and sometimes I forgot to talk to you in three days and good things happen. What’s the point of all of this? Sometimes I just feel so uninspired.
The writer of Ecclesiastes shared my frustration:
“…“Useless! Useless! Completely useless! Everything is useless!” what do people really gain from all the hard work they do here on earth?” Ecclesiastes 1:2-3
He goes through all these reasons why everything is meaningless in life and then concludes the book with:
“…I give my final advice: Honor God and obey his commands, because this is all people must do. God will judge everything, even what is done in secret, the good and the evil.” Ecclesiastes 12:13-14
As a writer, I can fill up page after page with words just to reach a word count or I can write something from my heart that might be short but gets the point across.
As a Christian, I can fill my days with lots of studies, meetings, and busy work for God or I can fill my days with God. I can seek him, love him, and show his love to others.
I can seek hitting my word count for the day.
Or I can seek God and let him make my few words count for the day.
God, help me to stay humbled before you. Help me to focus on you and not what I can do for you. Let my actions be motivated by love and not pride or self-satisfaction. When I am uninspired, help me remember to step outside and take in the wonder of your creation. Help me to breath in just how small I am in the picture so I can fully appreciate how big you are. You are God.