At any one moment, I have several projects in the works whether it be a new adult novel, a new children's book with illustrations, a new painting, a ghostwriting project, a volunteer project for my sons' school, or regular household chores to keep everything running smoothly. Often times it can feel like I'm attempting the magic trick where you keep several plates spinning on top of small wooden rods. Go here, go there, don't let this one fall. 
Then suddenly, God drops something so heavy that the plates all seem to fall at once to the ground. Not a single one shattering but each one landing perfectly waiting to be picked up at a another time while I sit in awe at this heavy truth before me.
"...their faith is worth nothing." Today I have been working on a 15- Day devotional that I plan to release this summer. I was reading this scripture and it just hit me so powerfully that I had to pause and take a moment. God, is amazing! He is awesome! Does my faith reflect that? Do my actions reflect the faith that I speak? 

God, I don't want people to look at my faith, at my life and say, "That's nothing." I want my love for you, my faith in you, to burn so passionately that people can no longer see me but you. Take me to the place where my greatest effort could not accomplish all that begins to happen. Where heaven kisses earth and somehow I'm caught in the middle. Amen.

​

This is probably my biggest struggle as an author, "I'm just a nobody, who would care to read what I write?" 
Then you know what I was thinking today? Man, everybody is a nobody to somebody.
There is somebody in the world who doesn't know Oprah (I know that's probably hard to believe). There's somebody who has never heard of James Patterson, or President Ronald Reagan, or dare I say it...the Kardashians.
Attention writers everywhere...whether you write a blog, or a book, articles for newspapers, script for commercials, or copy for packaging- you are a nobody for somebody.
It's not important how big of a somebody we become. What's important is what we do with the words that bounce around inside our head. Are we going to allow them to dissolve into nothingness because we don't feel worthy enough to write them OR are we going to take a chance write them down and give somebody a chance to be inspired, educated, or entertained?

I think it was last week when my friend sent me a text and asked if her daughter could job shadow me Thursday and Friday this week. She wanted to see what an author does. That's nice I'd like to see what an author does, I laughed.
So, yesterday she showed up ready to be educated. By the end of our day today, I felt like I had been educated on what an author was. We spent yesterday going through all the reasons why I decided this profession, how much my starting pay is (kids always laugh when I say $0), and various challenges that one might face an author.
Then today, because I had procrastinated most of the week on a submission, I suggested that we both work on our stories. We both ended our day with 2000 words (I still have 3000 to go before I can submit so I'll put in a few more hours). But the moral of the story is....write.

We talked about writer's block yesterday and today I said, "You know what, writer's block is just an excuse not to write. if you're stuck on one project move over to another, or sit outside and describe a tree but NEVER EVER walk away from a blank screen feeling defeated.

Yep. I learned something! Now to put in those 3000 more words.

If you weren't in church during the 80's/90's, chances are, you probably have no concept of what a revival looks like for the church.
Growing up, I thought revival was a gathering that people had because the Spirit settled in one place more than another.
Due to my profession as an author, I've come to have an appreciation of the meaning of a word. I realize that some Bible scholars and pastors dig into the original Greek and Hebrew meanings of words. I, myself, must have slept during English because I find that understanding the actual meaning, rather than the assumed meaning, of English words is pretty useful as well.
Just for today, ponder on this: Revival "renewed attention to or interest in something".
Wow! If each of us sought a renewed attention to God, a renewed interest in God, what would our lives look like?
The Bible tells us that God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. (Hebrews 13:8) But what we have to remember is that we're not God, so while He is the same, we can never get bored of Him because there will always be more and more and more of Him for us to learn about. His ways go far beyond our understanding (Hebrews 11, yes the whole chapter)

Maybe you have pondered the same thing I have pondered. Why don't I see revival in my church, in my city, heck, I'd even take my state?
To which I have to challenge myself, why don't you have revival in you, Nicole?

Revival starts with a renewed interest in God, a renewed attention to God. Am I seeking God, am I enamored (strongly fascinated) by all that He is? Once this is happening in my life, there will be revival within me. And when we are so fired up and interested in God that is when others will begin to take interest as well.

Last month, my husband and I started a new business. It's been crazy to say the least. We're about to launch the website (if I ever get it done). During this past month, the message I have heard from numerous speakers, books, individuals, and just plain EVERYWHERE is clear: give it all you got!
I sat down yesterday to work on the sequel to Annabelle's Boots (fans, don't faint). As I busted through the first 900 words I realized that writing it wasn't as hard for me as it was a few years ago.

See, a few years ago I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I didn't accept who I was created to be. A few years ago I had so much to do and no time to write.

Today I see, the moments I chase God are the moments with the most clarity. When I get lost in what I think needs to be done, there never seems to be enough time. But when I take moments to stop, thank God for who he is and all that he's doing, I find that in those moments I get so much more done. It's kind of weird. 

​Have I entered the God Twilight Zone or am I just seeing things clearly for a change?

Man, I watched a Ron Carpenter sermon last night and I am fired up. You know, I use to have my favorite preachers. I was like 'Man, that person can preach!' but now I find myself impartial to the person and more in tune with truth. 
I want to hear some truth, God's truth. I don't care if a television pastor is saying it, the pastor at my church, the homeless guy that I stop to talk with, or someone random person through an Instagram post.

Yesterday, I was feeling a little blah and the only thing I kept telling myself was 'Just Keep Going! God's got you, don't stop' After I listened to that sermon last night I felt supercharged.

I am God's child! And no matter what comes up I must stay focused on that. So the enemy can take all this negative crap, all things 'woe is me' thinking, all of this 'does it even matter what I say' and stick it where the sun don't shine!

I am God's child. He put me here in this exact moment in time for His purpose! For His glory! I may be but a speck in his masterpiece but I was an initial speck placed specifically by God!

If you don't know that God, let me tell you HE IS AWESOME! If you do know that God then stop living like He's a stranger and start living like He's all there is!

So many ideas for books going through my head right now and so little time to get them out on paper for others to read. 
I've been working a lot the past two weeks getting everything up and running on our new company. It's crazy how much work goes into starting a business. But, among all this chaos I find myself humbled and blessed. Humbled because I know that I could not be doing this without God. There are moments I start to struggle and become overwhelmed then I feel his peace wash over me. 
It's not that it all suddenly becomes easier but it puts things into a more eternal perspective. I can get it done today, I can get it done tomorrow. Nothing to stress about. 

God, continue to remind me to take time to seek you. Continue to keep my focus...well...in focus. Nothing that I do matters much if it's not about You and bringing you glory. Lord, no matter how busy I get remind me to look people in the eye and see them as you see them- beautiful creations.

​The Narrow Path- Part 2 Copyright © 2019 Nicole Donoho This 5-Day blog series story is a work of fiction. Names, descriptions, entities, and incidents included in this story are products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, events, and entities is entirely coincidental.
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“Everyone wants to know that they matter. That’s why Avery stays with Dexter even though he’s a jerk. The problem with that is that if we invest all our happiness into our relationship with each other what happens when something crashes? What happens if one of us dies next week?”
 
Xander shook his head and crocked his eyebrow. “Why would you say something like that?”
 
“It’s part of life, Xander. The writers of the Bible say those kinds of things over and over. They are constantly saying that if we are trying to fill the void inside within something from this earth, from this lifetime, we’ll constantly feel empty. The only thing that can fill it is God.”
 
“Still, I feel like saying something about dying is bad juju or something.”
 
I laughed. The weight of yesterday’s conversation lifted from the cab and the atmosphere finally felt less hostile. At least he was smiling again.
 
“So, just so I’m clear. Should we never get married?”
 
I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed. “Oh my gosh!”
 
“What?”
 
I let go and laughed. “How do you even get that out of what I just said?”
 
He smiled. “I don’t know. I’m trying but it’s all kind of overwhelming. I know that you’re all into that missionary’s book and it’s encouraged you to dig into the Bible more. But I don’t know if that kind of lifestyle is for everybody.”
 
“What do you mean?”
 
“Just being…obsessed with God.” he sighed, “I know that sounds terrible but I also don’t understand what’s wrong with getting married and being happy. What’s wrong with me choosing to stay close to you instead of moving to California? I mean, if God didn’t want me to ever be happy what was the point of creating so many amazing things? Why not just leave the world dull and boring?”
 
“That’s what I’ve been struggling with. Obsessing over the creation vs. the Creator. It’s incredibly easy to do. So easy, in fact, that I don’t usually realize I’m doing it. Obsessing over the way I look makes me miserable, obsessing over school makes me stressed, obsessing over you makes me jealous and selfish and, just to be honest, sometimes a little bitchy. But obsessing over God is unexplainably peaceful.” I sighed. “It doesn’t make everything suddenly go right but it makes it better. I know I probably sound like a crazy person—”
 
“You’re doing it.”
 
“Doing what?”
 
Xander smiled. “You get super excited about something, usually God, and then you back down and ask me to reassure you that you’re not crazy. You’re not crazy, first of all, and second of all, as much as it drives me crazy when you start ranting about God it’s also what I love about you. When you’re passionate about something you jump all in and get fired up. It’s pretty hot actually.”
 
Heat rose in my cheeks. I rolled my eyes and pushed his arm.
 
He swerved a little. “Hey easy!”
 
He put his arm around me. “So, are we good?”
 
“We were good yesterday. I just freaked out when you proposed.”
 
“I think we both were a little out of our element yesterday.”
 
“It’s just not as simple as I had imagined but also kind of is.”
 
“What isn’t?”
 
“Following God. It’s like that scripture about the wide and narrow path. Not following God is this seven-lane highway with no speed limit. You can drive wherever you want and as fast as you want. It feels like freedom, but its just not satisfying. There are millions of radio stations to choose from but each one leaves you bored so you’re constantly flipping through them. Nobody’s really established where the road ends or what happens when you get there. And despite all that, it continues to offer more appeal than that narrow mountain trail all those ‘God-followers’ drive on. Because after all, you’re free to drive wherever you want. No need to consult with anyone else.”
 
                I released a heavy sigh. “But I feel like I turned off the main highway and decide to venture up the mountain trail to see where it might take me. Every day I have to inch up the path slowly because speeding along might cause me to slide off the side which would result in a hundred-foot drop probably to my death. What makes matters worse is that I often find myself driving through a fog. I have no idea if I’m going the right way so I start panicking about the drop-off. When I take a moment to switch on the radio, I hear a voice attempting to direct me through the fog but static picks up and starts blaring news from the highway. And yet, as stressful as that sounds, that narrow path contains so much more freedom than I ever experienced back on the highway. It’s kind of become this love/hate relationship. I love God’s love but hate the way it conflicts with my own desires.”
 
                I glanced at Xander from the corner of my eye but he didn’t respond. I watched the clock on the dash, five minutes went by with nothing more said than the faint songs on the radio.
 
                An absolute crazy person. That’s what you are. Rambling on and on about all this stuff and thinking that Xander cares to hear about it. The words sent a panic through me. I thought back through the conversation. That’s right, think of all the crazy nonsense you just vomited. If you continue down this path, you’ll just continue to push him away.
               
                Xander pulled up to Jessica car and hopped out. I quickly wiped the corners of my eyes. “God, I want you, even if I lose Xander, I want you. Give me strength to stay on this path.”
 
                Xander walked back to the truck. “Hey, are you coming?”
 
                I took a deep breath and blinked my eyes a few times. I couldn’t feel any tears but I was sure my eyes were about to open the dams. “Yeah.”
 
                “Hey,” he stopped me by the door, “Are you all right?”
 
                “Yeah, I told you just struggling with that narrow path.”
 
                He put his hand on my left shoulder and looked in my eyes. “You know, you don’t have to struggle alone. I might not always understand. But I do love you.”
 
                “I love you too.”
 
                He smiled and wiped a tear from the corner of my eye. “Well, don’t leave that mountain trail because of me.”
 
                “What?”
 
                “Seriously, I never thought of it that way. It helped me understand your ‘crazy’ moments a little better.” He raised his eyebrow. “I think.”
 
                I laughed. He always had a way of keeping most moments light.
 
“I’m just saying, as crazy as it makes you feel, I don’t want you to stop. I can see you’re passionate about it and I bet the view at the top is totally worth it.
 
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​The Narrow Path- Part 2 Copyright © 2019 Nicole Donoho This 5-Day blog series story is a work of fiction. Names, descriptions, entities, and incidents included in this story are products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, events, and entities is entirely coincidental.
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                Look at him. He probably hates you. The fact that you said you didn’t want to marry him and now you’re just using him for his truck.
 
                “So about yesterday.” I blurted out.
 
                “What about it?” Xander asked after a few moments of silence.
 
I hadn’t considered the follow-up to my outburst. I simply wanted to shut up all the thoughts from bombarding my mind.
 
                What the heck am I even supposed to say, God? I took a deep breathe.
 
                It doesn’t really matter what you say. You’ve messed this up so badly there’s no fixing it at this point.
 
                The thought was like an arrow piercing through my heart, attached to a harpoon on a sinking ship. I was going under, down to the deepest darkest place imaginable and it was all my fault. God, please help me.
 
                If you want wisdom all you need to do is ask. *
 
                Yes, thank you God, I do need wisdom. I need to know what to say so I’m not making this worse.
               
Truth will set you free. ** There was that thought again. The truth equals freedom.
 
                How can it possibly be that simply?
 
                I sighed. “Well, the truth is that you caught me off guard when you proposed yesterday.” He didn’t respond so I decided to continue. “I’ve wanted you to propose since the moment we started dating. You’re awesome and I love being around you. But lately, I’ve been struggling with that.”
               
                “With what?”
 
                “With how much of my happiness depends on you.”
 
                “I don’t understand.”
 
                “When we first started dating, I just wanted to be around you all the time. You made me laugh and you made me happy. Even when we argued, I know that we both kind of set things aside to resolve the arguments faster because we wanted each other to be happy.”
 
                “What’s wrong with being happy?”
 
                “Nothing’s wrong with being happy. But allowing our happiness to depend on each other is.”
 
                “How so?”
 
He reached for the dial on the dash and turned down the music. Something he usually did when our conversations became less than casual.
 
                “Because it’s asking too much of each other. In the end, we’re staying together because being together makes us happy.”
 
                “I still don’t see he problem here.”
 
                God some of that wisdom could come in handy right about now. I sighed. “Look at Avery and Dexter. You’re always telling me that you don’t understand why she is with him because she is so sweet and he is—”
 
                “A dick.”
 
                I rolled my eyes. “I was going to say a jerk but yes. So many times, we can see lopsided relationships where one of the people is really nice and the other person is a jerk yet the nice person continues going back to the jerk because they don’t want to lose their happiness.”
 
                “So, are you saying I’m a jerk?”
 
                “No! I’m saying that nobody looks at a nice person and a nice person in the same way. It gets overlooked because everything looks great. But there are times when we’ve held each other back to ensure that things stay happy between us.”
 
                “Like what?”
 
                “Like…you not taking that opportunity with your cousin.”
               
“Lexi, I didn’t take it because you already started college here. I didn’t think moving to California would be good for our relationship.”
 
                “If distance has the ability to break us apart then what’s actually holding us together?”
 
                “Lexi, you said you didn’t want me to go.”
 
                “I know I did. But I can also see now that I was being selfish. I wasn’t thinking about the opportunity that had just opened for you. All that I could think of was potentially losing you. That’s not love, Xander, it’s obsession. The more that I’ve been digging into the Bible, the more that I see a different kind of love. God’s love is a selfless love. It’s forgiveness and sacrifices and…” I closed my eyes for a moment. “…I haven’t been very good at it.”
 
                “Lexi, I don’t think that you wanting me to stay here was selfish. I didn’t want to leave you either.”
 
                “Why did you propose yesterday?”
 
                “Because I didn’t want to lose you and lately that’s how I’ve felt. I feel like we’re getting further and further apart.”
 
                “See, that’s how I felt when you were talking about California. You were super excited until I started listing all the reasons it was a bad idea. Looking back, I wish that I wouldn’t have been so set on where I had already enrolled. I wish that I would have looked into transferring even if that meant we’d have to spend some time apart. But those thoughts didn’t even cross my mind ‘cause I was being selfish. The only thing that I could think of was losing you and you were the only one that made me happy.”
 
                “Again, I don’t think you were being selfish by—”
 
                “Yes! I was being selfish and that’s why you feel like something is coming between us now.” He took a breath to stay calm. “That something is God. The more that I try to get closer to Him, the further I feel from you. But, it’s not that I love you any less. If anything, He’s helping me see how to love you better.” I shook my head and smile. “He’s showing me how to truly love you instead of obsess over you.”
 
                Xander laughed. “I hardly think I’m worth obsessing over.”
 
                “That, right there! That is what I’m talking about. The fact that we both say those kinds of things to each other all the time so that the other can confirm that we are wanted and loved.”
 
                “What kind of things?”
 
                “You basically just put yourself down leaving yourself open for me to either confirm or deny your worth. I know it because I’ve done the same thing.”
 
                Xander stared out the front window. It was difficult to tell if he was upset or thinking. I wanted to say something but decided it’d be better if I waited. I glanced at the stores on either side of the road trying to keep myself from saying anything. The music on the radio might have been a good distraction if it wasn’t for the country twang and emotional recap of losing everything.
                The song ended and another one began, this time about cheating boyfriend. Seriously, couldn’t we lighten the mood with a party by the lake song or something? We turned on the highway that headed out of town. Less stores, more trees and barns, still no reply from Xander.
 
                “I can see what you’re saying.” He stated as we crossed over the bridge on the edge of town. “I guess I never thought about it that way. But who wouldn’t want to know that they mattered?”
 
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NOTE TO THE READER: Throughout the story, Lexi’s thoughts contain some references, not quotes, found in scripture. In no way is this meant to be a study or reference of what these scriptures truly mean. Please take the time to look up the scriptures and read them for yourself.
*James 1:5, **John 8:32

​The Narrow Path- Part 2 Copyright © 2019 Nicole Donoho This 5-Day blog series story is a work of fiction. Names, descriptions, entities, and incidents included in this story are products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, events, and entities is entirely coincidental.
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I knelt down on the floor in my bedroom. “God, I need your help. I don’t even know where to start or what to do. All I know is that I can’t keep going on this way. I love Xander but I don’t want to marry him just because he wants to have sex. Couldn’t you just show me what to do?”
I listened hoping to hear something, anything. The room was silent. “Why are you always quiet when I need you the most? Don’t you understand how frustrating that is?”
 
Maybe you should call Xander and see how he’s doing. You are the one who keeps messing things up.
 
There it was that stupid thought again. It sounded logically but it weighed on me like an empty bank account with rent due the next day.
 
I closed my eyes. “God, take these thoughts and give me truth. I love Xander but I don’t need him, I need you.”
 
I need you. The words stuck in my head. How much did I need him? Just enough to answer my question and make me feel good? If that’s the case then who was my god, me or God?
 
“God, help me not be selfish. Help me understand your will and what you want.”
 
My cell phone rang. I looked at Jessica’s picture and slid the button to answer it. “Hello?”
 
“Lexi, thank God! I tried calling Avery but she’s not answering.”
 
“Yeah, she left for the mall a little while ago with her sister.”
 
“I was trying to see if she could come help me. I got a flat tire on the other side of the lake.”
 
“Well, she doesn’t get very good cell service there so—”
 
“Well, is there any chance you could come out here?”
 
“That’s a pretty far walk.”
 
“Well yeah, I figured you and Xander would be hanging out today.”
 
I sighed. “He’s not here but I guess I can call him.”
 
“Thanks. Call me back and let me know.”
 
I stared at Xander’s number for a few moments and pressed the button. The phone rang a few times and then went to voicemail. I opened a text message and typed: Hey, not sure what you’re doing today but Jessica just called. She has a flat and can’t get ahold of Avery. Is there any way you can help?
 
My phone buzzed. “Hello?”
 
“Where’s she at?”
 
“She’s out on the other side of the lake. She sent me her location. I’d go out there by myself but I think she needs help sooner than my bicycle will get me there.”
 
“You wouldn’t know what to do when you got there anyway. I’ll pick you up in a few minutes.”
 
Pick me up? He wants to see me?
“You want me to go with you?”
 
“Yes. You know Jessica makes me uncomfortable.”
 
“Ok.”
 
The phone went silent and the call screen disappeared.
 
No ‘love you’ not even a ‘bye’. He’s still upset, this is going to be terrible.
 
I took a deep breathe. “Shut up! Seriously! God, take this thought away and help me to focus on helping Jessica. I have no idea what Xander is thinking and I don’t want to assume things and make it worse. Please, please help me.”
 
I slipped on my shoes, walked outside, and sat on the bottom step to wait. The pine trees across the street bowed slightly from the breeze. The sky was clear except for the few dark clouds off to the east. The rumble of Xander’s motor signaled that he was getting closer. I quickly brushed off my bottom and walked to the edge of the sidewalk.
He pulled into the parking lot, opened his door, and hopped out. I got into the pickup and slid to the middle seat.
 
Right next to him?
 
I buckled my seatbelt before the stupid thought could change my mind. I had sat in the middle since we began dating there was no point of changing it now. I pulled up Jessica’s message and handed the phone to Xander. “Here’s where she’s at.”
 
He looked at the phone. “Oh, she’s out there by Kay’s Diner.”
 
“She is?” The red pin on the map looked as if it was in the middle of nowhere. I was always terrible with directions but he always knew where everything was and five different ways to get there.
 
“Yeah.” Xander turned on the radio and backed out of the parking space.
 
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