Just signed on an realized it was eight days since the last blog that I posted. Which immediately makes me think, "You're a terrible blogger."
Well, high five me. Being a 'blogger' is not necessarily my intentions. My intention is to be real, be transparent. The truth of the matter is that I get busy with life. I start living and I forget about posting, forget about blogging, forget about writing.
It's a good and bad thing. One one side, it's good that I am not so focused on blogging and writing that I am unwilling to stop and 'smell the roses', stop and enjoy life. On the other side, I'm never going to increase my strength if I put off exercising for too long.
A talent is like a muscle. Continued use of it will only make it stronger. I know this.
God, help me not to be afraid of messing up, of doing the wrong thing. Help me to focus on You. In this, I cannot go wrong. I want more of you and more of your guidance.
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:7-8
God, help me to seek you, so that I may find you.
There was a day I had to kill my dirty Christian clone
The hypocrite that tried to hide and make my heart its home
I went to church I said the prayers I did things that were 'right'
But all the while struggling with darkness black as night
'God loves you' my mouth would say to everyone around
But grace was something I didn't know, something I'd not found
My simple mind understood repaying good for good, and being right was right
But giving good when bad was done was something it would fight
God's mercy and grace and His amazing love was easy to apply to me
But no one else quite measured up from what my eyes could see
Then one day Jesus said, "I'm glad your heart's my home.
But it's crowded in here so could you make space for me and me alone."
-written by Nicole Donoho, August 14, 2018
Brokenness is what I need...
'Negative' prayers are frowned upon. In a world with good guys and bad guys, cops and robbers, superheroes and villains- our mind understand good is good and bad is bad. There are two sides and the two don't mix.
So with that in mind, God is positive all the time, right?
Oh the mistake we make when we try to apply human logic to an infinite Almighty God.
"The Lord says, “My thoughts are not like your thoughts. Your ways are not like my ways. Just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9 NCV
When someone says something 'negative' the immediate religious reaction is that it is not of God. But really, our first reaction should be to question the motives behind it. Does this line up with God's word?
God, break me. Break all the paths that I have created in my life to walk on. Break all the false ideas of who You are and What you desire from me. Renew my mind. Create in me a new heart that aligns with Your heart, with Your desires. Open my eyes to see what you see. Open my ears to hear what you hear. God, I'm here to serve You, send Your Spirit to guide me and direct me. To point me in the directions that I should take. Amen.
A few weeks ago I heard a sermon that asked the question, "Where are you walking? What patterns are you making in your life?"
There are so many patterns that I have created in my life, negative patterns that have held me back from being everything that God created me to be. I have doubted myself and my talents. I have judged others and accepted others judgement and assessment of myself as if it were the only truth.
Enough is enough!
It's time to create new patterns! It's time to step off the paths that I have previously worn into my life. It is time for new patterns, new hope, new truth! God's truth!
One at a time...
Yesterday, Jacob and I went on a bicycle ride on the Arkansas Greenway. We rode from Lake Fayetteville to Mile Marker 0 on the Greenway. I think he said altogether round trip was 17 miles or something.
I was struggling. Old men were flying by me. Younger people were zipping by. (That has a way of humbling you.) I had to get off my bike and walk parts because my body was struggling so bad.
This is the pattern I have created. When I start to struggle I should just walk away. I should just ease up. I shouldn't work as hard.
God, break this pattern in me. Show me the patterns that I have created in my life that do not align with you. Make them known so that new patterns can be created. New patterns that draw me closer to You. New patterns that exalt you!
"I treat my body hard and make it my slave so that I myself will not be disqualified after I have preached to others." 1 Corinthians 9:27 NCV
So many times I lack the confidence I need to progress. I spiritually lay in a fetal position afraid to move forward. What if I am not strong enough? What if I don't have what it takes? What if I am not smart enough? What if i fail?
For every "What if..." that I can ask there is an answer, I AM. He is the answer to my weaknesses. In my weakest moments He is the strength that others will see. In my failures, I will seek Him out and He will be glorified through my shortcomings.
"So brothers and sister, since God has shown us great mercy, I beg you to offer your lives as a living sacrifice to him. Your offering must be only for God and pleasing to him, which is the spiritual way for you to worship." Romans 12:1-3
God, remind me who You have created me to be. Speak to my heart, God. Give me strength to live my life as a living sacrifice for You. Help me to stay away from temptation, to chase after you, and show others your love. Amen.
Some people paint Christianity as this beautiful field of flowers, peaceful and serene. Sometimes I feel like it's a bloody chaotic battlefield and I'm the warrior hiding under a wagon trying to convince myself to pull it together. It's not always fun, it's not always easy. So why choose to be a Christian? Because "God so loved..."
"If you want to save your life, you will destroy it. But if you give up your life for me, you will save it. What will you gain, if you own the whole world but destroy yourself or waste your life?"
A New Identity
What is this blog about? You mean, I'm supposed to have a purpose? Ok, if that's required then my purpose is life.
Better with age...
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