August 14, 2018- I started this blog with the intent of being transparent on this journey. Being a woman has it's challenges. Being a wife has it's challenges. Be a mom has it's challenges. Being a Christian has it's challenges. Being a writer has it's challenges. Let's just be honest, simply being a human being has challenges. My hope was to be honest during those challenges and encourage some people along the way.
I don't really like throwing thoughts out there (onto a blog) because it offers it's own set of challenges. There are times when people say, "I read your blog." And I immediately think, "Oh boy, which one? What kind of mood was in it that day? Was I excited? Was I cranky? Did I feel enlightened or was I simply ranting? It's all good in the end because we all have these moments whether we want to own them or not.
Today, I am going back to the book which started it all "Goodbye, Christian Whore". In the book, I talk about starting out as a bowl of vanilla ice cream. In the book, the bowl of vanilla ice cream represents my faith. Simple. The bowl with all the toppings represents all the things I picked up along the way that clouded my vision of how simple faith could and should be.
Today I want to take the bowl to a new level. Today, the bowl represents our lives. I came into the world a simple bowl of vanilla ice cream. Little by little toppings get added to my bowl. Someone tells me I am good at something and here comes some sprinkles. Someone tells me I'm not so good at something else, maybe some chocolate syrup puts me in a sticky situation. Topping after topping gets dumped until eventually I'm not quite sure what's me and what's the opinion of others.
Man , I hate self-doubt.
What's a person to do? If you are like me and you find yourself on a journey to find that simple bowl of vanilla there is hope. It's not a simple journey. Sometimes you have to pick each sprinkle off one by one. It can be time-consuming. Sometimes you'll have to scrap the chocolate syrup off. Wait, did I lose a little of the ice cream when I did. It can be painful.
But the beauty is that God helps us through the entire process when we allow Him to.
God, some days I feel like a mess. I feel a bit overwhelmed from everything that has been thrown at me and on me. Whether it is what's going on in the world in general or stuff that is thrown directly at me to attack my character or self-worth. Today, I need you to remind me of who YOU created. Remind me of the five year old me who didn't have a single care in the world. What did I like most? What didn't I like? Where have I compromised who I am to please others? Where have a compromised who I am to satisfy my own goals? Help me today to take steps towards the person you created me to be. Help me to set aside filters, images, and ideas of what I believe the world expects me to be and pick up who you have created me to be. Amen.
A New Identity
What is this blog about? You mean, I'm supposed to have a purpose? Ok, if that's required then my purpose is life.
Better with age...
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