I have a sister-in-law that is pregnant and due any day now. A few weeks ago, I found out that my other sister-in-law is pregnant. I was excited for my brother and his wife, then I was excited for my other brother and his wife.
But soon the whispers began to fill the quiet spaces of my mind. This is a little bit of how that played out in my life, maybe you can relate.
Whispers: You cannot physically have any more children.
Me: No, I've decided to close that chapter of my life, no more babies coming from me.
Whispers: By choosing this you've let your husband down. He will never get to experience the joy of having a daughter.
Me (feeling a bitter sting. We have three boys, no girls, could this be true?): Well, we both said three kids was enough. We wanted to ensure we were engaged in their lives and also neither one of us likes the demanding diaper stage very much.
Whispers: But God created you to bring life into this world.
That's the one that I've been wrestling off and on with for the past few days and then this morning I decided to try out some of that 'boldly go before the throne' business that the author of Hebrews talks about in 4:16. I asked God what He thought. This is how that went.
Me: God, have I chosen to be less of a woman because I do not want to have any more children.
God: Do you know women who cannot have children? Do they bring life into this world?
I began to think about women in my life that I know that can no longer have children or have never been able to have children. To me, these women brought so much life to the world around them. Not being able to physically bring life into this world did not make them less of a woman. In my eyes, it actually made them women as God created them. These women did not act bitter because of their physically limitations (at least not to my knowledge). Instead they brought life into the world through their words of encouragement, their acts of compassion, and the lives that they chose to live.
Hello, Christian Whore, we meet again. I see you're trying to suggest I should find my worth in my body's physical capabilities.
Goodbye, Christian Whore! God created me, as a woman, to bring life into this world. While I can no longer achieve this physically, I can still bring SO much life into this world through my words and actions. I chose to seek after His heart and His plans in my life. To seek after His love instead of finding fulfillment or dissatisfaction in my physical capabilities. I do not choose to love myself and what I can do.
I choose to love God, my Father, my Creator, my Savior. He fills me with Life to speak out into the world around me. He impregnates my soul with a Truth that this world needs to see birthed, with a Love that this world longs for, and a peace that the hurting hope for.
I am a woman. Not because of what I feel or what I can do but because that is who my God choose to make me. I AM created in His image. Beautiful. Life-giving.
A New Identity
What is this blog about? You mean, I'm supposed to have a purpose? Ok, if that's required then my purpose is life.
Better with age...
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