Okay, grab your coffee or tea or water, whatever be your drink of choice and let's have a little 'come to Jesus' moment. "What's that?" you might ask. A moment of truth. A moment where all the cards are laid on the table and you're honest with yourself about yourself.
Since June 2018, my career status went from Senior Account Manager at a design agency to full time author to small business owner to (about a month ago) part time cashier. To say I've been STRUGGLING over the past month would be to say Godzilla was a little lizard. A bit of an understatement.
My husband and I have some goals in life. One of them being owning our own home once again. Since book sales have been low, finding a part-time job seemed like the route to take to stay on track with that goal. So far so good, right? Wrong! Since I got the job everything flipped sideways and spun around faster than a roller coaster at an amusement park. Not because the job is bad but because my ideas fell through.
I guess I walked into this with some magical idea that everything would just fall together. Then, when it didn't I felt overwhelmed. I realized that I needed to get back into routines. A time to write, a time to read, a time to hang with the family, a time to work, a time to workout. I had to fight for what was important to my schedule.
Last night, I watched a movie with the family, then watched a movie with my husband (Crawl-that could be a blog in itself), then I spent some time writing. I spent a good couple hours writing and I felt great about what I had accomplished. Then, this morning, I started feeling bad because the project I worked on last night wasn't anything that I had been working on recently. Which brings me to my title for this blog "discipline vs. dictatorship".
I'm SUPER bad about beating myself up when I don't measure up to my imaginary standards. Maybe I walk on the treadmill for thirty minutes and instead of celebrating my accomplishment I tell myself I could have jogged the whole time and it would have been better. Instead of being excited about working on a project that has been in the works for a few years now, I thought about another project I had recently started that I should have spent some time on.
Which got me thinking, do you ever have moments when you should be celebrating your accomplishments but instead rain on your own parade? It's one thing to be a humble person, it's an issue to be the one humbling ourselves. I am great at encouraging others and helping them pursue their goals. But I often find myself beating myself down as if nothing I do is enough. Well that's just crazy!I'm never going to get anywhere if I keep slashing my own tires.
God, help me walk today with a keen sense of discipline. Holy Spirit, guide me throughout my day to better prioritize and complete the task that are most important. God, help me end the dictatorship I have over my life and submit to your loving rule. This kind of life is hard and wearing on me. But the life you offer is light. Let me pick that pick and walk in it. Amen.
I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep. I had the “Mary, Mary, quite contrary” rhyme in my head only it was a little bit different. I kept seeing these two trees. One tree sprouted life and the other death, even though it had some appealing fruit.
We are given choices in life. We can decide to accept lies or we can discover truth.
When we discover truth, it is like a light illuminating us from the inside out. In this moment, we quickly discover we’re more like craved up Jack o’ lanterns than whole pumpkins. Life has cut us apart and the light exposes every area we’ve tried to patch up.
Rather than back down and dim the light, that is the moment to let it shine that much brighter.
Typically, I post a review of a book once I've read through it. I couldn't wait on this one. Not to post a review but to start talking about it. The Vanishing Conscience is very much in your face writing. John MacArthur does not hold back.
In the first chapter he dives right into the pressing matters, sin being removed from the gospel and finding itself replaced with a feel-good message. Jesus came to make you feel good. Now in some instances it is not that drastic.
Our God is holy...
They began singing a song about being free and dancing. As I was singing, the Holy Spirit hit me hard. Why are you even singing this song, you're not free. I was upset for being there in the first place so I stopped clapping and just thought, God, what is it that you want? At that moment, I saw myself laying face down in front of the stage. I knew that I wasn't losing my mind. I knew that God was telling me to set aside everything that I wanted and lay myself down as an act of worship. I went up to the front, terrified, and knelt down in front of the stage.
In that moment, I felt all the anger that I was holding against the leaders of the church wash out of me. I felt sorry for them. I felt sorry for the way that I had felt.
Some well-meaning ladies came up to me and knelt down by me. I was sobbing at this point and they were trying to comfort me. I didn't need or want to be comforted. All I wanted to do was sit in that moment of worthlessness because in that moment I knew how big and incomprehensible my God was.
They said something about God being able to help me through whatever it was I was dealing with and I just shook my head. I told then that I wasn't there because I wanted God's help. I was there because I was a filthy rag in his sight and that's where I needed to be. Kneeling there, worshiping Him because He was holy.
Again, with good intentions, I'm sure, they tired to comfort me and tell me that God loved me.
In that moment, I was even more saddened because they really weren't getting it.
We are dirty rags in God's sight and He continuously longs to wrap us in His arms. Who is this God we serve?
It is so very easy to water down the gospel message. So easy to tweak it ever so slightly to a feel-good message of empowerment. We cannot let ourselves be fooled.
Two days ago, my 11-year-old asked me what the point of life was. He said, "If we're either going to burn forever or be with God forever when we die then what is the point of our lives right now?"
I wanted a really good answer but I found myself in the same predicament that King Solomon expressed in Ecclesiastes. Everything is meaningless. I said, "Elijah, I don't really know what the point of this life is since things are going to happen whether we are here or not. All I know is that we need to live our lives to give God glory because He is God and He deserves it."
Do it for the glory of God
A New Identity
What is this blog about? You mean, I'm supposed to have a purpose? Ok, if that's required then my purpose is life.
This is my life...Searching for truth, one day at a time.
I enjoy writing so sometimes that truth comes through storytelling.
Better with age...