The Narrow Path Copyright © 2019 Nicole Donoho This 5-Day blog series story is a work of fiction. Names, descriptions, entities, and incidents included in this story are products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, events, and entities is entirely coincidental.
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“Jesus.” I whispered again.
“What’d you say?” Xander asked.
“Jesus, I said Jesus!” I stated boldly.
*The truth will set you free. I wiped away some tears as I pondered this thought. It didn’t weigh on me like the other thoughts had. Instead, it felt more like a spotlight shining into the dark caverns of a cave. There was a way out of all this madness, there was hope.
“I’m freaking out about being a freak.” The boldness left with the words and I began sobbing.
I furiously wiped at the tears. God, if you want to set me free from something, how about my crazy emotions? Let’s start there, cause I’m sick of the floodgates opening every time the conversation gets challenging.
Xander pulled into the parking lot of the farm supply store. “Lexi?” He slid across the seat and put his arms around me. “You’re not a freak.”
“Really?” I asked sarcastically as I rolled my eyes and slowly pushed out of his arms.
He stared at me. It was the same look he had many times in the past. It didn’t matter if I was in terrible pain, intellectual conflict, or internal dilemma. He was a simple guy with a simple face that covered them all. Love. Looking into his eyes in moments like this was like a mother kissing a child’s scraped knee. While logically there’s no reason it should make it feel better, the love and hope expressed helped to shake off the pain and move on.
“I didn’t mean anything bad when I said you were acting different.”
I’m jumping from the pickup, running down dirt roads, and he feels the need to apologize? I laughed at the thought and chocked a little.
“Seriously.” Xander set his arm on the seat behind me. “I don’t want you to—"
“I am acting different and that’s why I feel like a freak!” I objected before he could continue any further with his unnecessary apology. “You’re right, this book is making me different. It’s frustrating me, and it’s challenging me, and—and I don’t even know what to think anymore.”
“Then why not stop reading it?”
“Because there’s something inside of me that wants to be challenged.”
“Ooookay.” His drawn-out reply clued me in that he wasn’t quite sure what to say.
“I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like—” I tried thinking of some analogy that could possibly compare to everything I was feeling. “It’s like that one movie we watched the other day. The one where the girl was living on that farm and working like it was the 1800’s or something. Then she got curious and went into that cave in the side of the cliff. And when she left the other side of the cave it was like she had stepped into the future but she hadn’t. It’s like that.”
“So…you feel like you’re a part of an anti-technology cult and you’re learning that there’s actually technology in the world?” Xander smiled.
I rolled my eyes. “I’m glad you can find humor in this.”
“Come on, Lexi, don’t be upset. I’m trying to understand.”
“I’m not upset. I mean, I am upset, but I’m not upset at you.” I sighed. “I’m upset with all this stuff that’s inside my head that’s been labeled ‘truth’ but has no solid backing. Like tonight, for instance. What do you think Jesus would have done tonight? How would he have handled it?”
“Well he didn’t have movie theaters back then so—”
I laughed and pushed him away. “Now, you’re making me angry.”
“If being angry at me makes you smile then I’ll take it.” Xander sighed. “I don’t know what he would have done. Obviously not have sex at the lake. That’s probably the answer you’re looking for.”
“I don’t know.” Xander threw his hands up and plopped them in his lap. “Because he was Jesus.”
“Why would that matter?”
He stared at me blankly and raised his eyebrow. “I don’t know, Lexi.”
He’s checking out. He’s done with the conversation and he’s done with you. The thought caught me off guard.
Xander had never been one for deep conversations or confrontation. He’d often turn to humor or change the subject in those situations. But ‘done with me’ that was true. Why was I even thinking it?
**Your battle is not with physical people but spiritual forces.
I recognized the reference from Ephesians. I’d heard it many times over the years but never put much thought into how that might work. God, thank you for bringing that to my memory. Help me to focus on truth. I’m not sure I understand entirely what that means but I feel like you’re reminding me that I shouldn’t get frustrated with Xander.
“Xander, do you think I’m a crazy person or do you love me?”
“I think you’re crazy and that’s why I love you.” He smiled.
God, I’m going to need help. I prayed as my blood began to boil. I know he’s trying to be cute and keep the moment light. Help me not get angry at him.
“If you really do love me, and I believe that you do, could you please be serious for just a moment?” I asked calmly. “I need to talk through this.”
“I left the truck because over and over all I could think about was that having sex outside of marriage is wrong. That’s what’s been drilled into my head over and over and over.”
“Then what’s the point of making it feeling so good.” Xander sighed.
“If sex feels good then why’s it wrong. Why did you say that Jesus wouldn’t have sex at the lake?”
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NOTE TO THE READER: Throughout the story, Lexi’s thoughts contain some references, not quotes, found in scripture. In no way is this meant to be a study or reference of what these scriptures truly mean. Please take the time to look up the scriptures and read them for yourself.
*John 8:32, **Ephesians 6:12
A New Identity
What is this blog about? You mean, I'm supposed to have a purpose? Ok, if that's required then my purpose is life.
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