The Narrow Path-Part 2 Copyright © 2019 Nicole Donoho This 5-Day blog series story is a work of fiction. Names, descriptions, entities, and incidents included in this story are products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, events, and entities is entirely coincidental.
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4 Weeks Later
“Xander, wait!” I yelled as I ran down the apartment stairs.
He continued walking without looking back. His long strides had me sprinting to catch up. I grabbed his arm. He jerked away and opened the door of his pickup.
“I have been listening, Lexi! That’s what this was about.” He struggled with his pocket, held up the ring box, and tossed it into the pickup.
“Xander, it’s not that I don’t want to marry you.”
He slammed the door. “Then what do you want? Tell me, cause I’m tired of trying to read your mind.”
His sharp tone ran across me like a fork on a sunburn. The glare from his eyes cut through me.
God, I don’t know what to say. I don’t even know what to think. Help me. Help me not to make this worse. Give me the words to say.
Cali Laney wrote about the same thing in her book. Whenever she found herself in a struggle, she’d pray for wisdom. I thought about the book. What would Cali do? No, that’s the wrong way to think. She’d say, what would Jesus do?
He’d ask questions. Thank you, God, for helping me remember that.
“Why do you want to marry me?”
“Seriously? You’re going to ask me that after you’ve been going on and on for over a month about the way God wants things.”
“Soooo, you’re asking me because you think that’s what God wants?”
“I’m asking you because I love you, Lexi!” Xander got into the pickup.
“Xander, wait!” I grabbed the door. “I love you too but I don’t feel like this is the right thing to do.”
“Of course, you don’t.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” the harsh toned words escaped my mouth before I could catch them.
“Your opinion is always the one that matters. If you don’t believe it than it’s probably not true.”
Jesus, help me! I took a deep breath, punching him in the face isn’t going to help the situation but I don’t know if I can take another comment like that. Give me peace, like now!
“Listen, I don’t know where this is coming from. We’ve talked about this and agreed that we should wait until I’m done with college.”
“I know but marriage is the only thing you’ve been talking about for the past month.”
“What?” I raised my eyebrow, “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about you going on and on over that stupid book and everything that woman says.” He started his pickup, “I’m talking about you saying how it’s God’s will that we’re married.”
I shook my head. “That’s not what I said. I said God doesn’t want us having sex outside of marriage. I never said I wanted you to propose.”
“What difference does it make if we’ve already done it?”
“Is that the only reason you’re proposing? Because you want to have sex?”
“No, I proposed because I thought that’s what you wanted.”
I took a deep breath. God, help me stay calm.
“Is it what you want?”
“I want you, Lexi.” He grabbed the steering wheel, sighed deeply, and closed his eyes. “I don’t want to lose you.”
I touched his arm. “I love you and I want you too.” He looked up at me. “But I can’t marry you right now.”
He reached for the door handle.
“Xander, wait. Listen to me. We’re not ready for this.”
You’ve been with him for three years and you’re just going to let it end?
The thought seemed to turn on a switch behind my eyes. I could feel the tears forming.
“Xander, don’t leave like—”
I stepped back. He slammed the door and sped out of the parking lot. I reached for my cell phone and realized it wasn’t in my pocket.
God, please speak to Xander. Help him understand. I prayed as I ran up the stairs.
What do you want?
It was the same question I had asked Xander. What did I want? I wanted Xander to come back and understand. I ran into the apartment and began looking for my phone.
Three years of your life just sped out of the parking lot. Get your phone and get him back. Get your phone and apologize.
I stopped and wiped my eyes. “Apologize for what?”
What do you want?
I dropped down to my knees. “God, I want you.”
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A New Identity
What is this blog about? You mean, I'm supposed to have a purpose? Ok, if that's required then my purpose is life.
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